She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize