if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize
