So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
