Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
