i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my sisters under your porch take her home
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
