They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
