Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
