I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
