We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
