he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
