Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
