I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
