I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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