Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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