We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
