ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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