I can text with my tongue
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
