There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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