would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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