is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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