I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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