Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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