fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
