Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
