God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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