Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
