"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
