i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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