Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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