The maid of honor just puked.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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