It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
