I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Found the puke drawer
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
