All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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