you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
