my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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