Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
