Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
