Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
