The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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