well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
