no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
