Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
