After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
