Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
