i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
