your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
