I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
