I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
