And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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