i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
