smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
