Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
