Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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