Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If I die, sorry about rent.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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