Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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