totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
