Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
