hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
