It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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