We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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