apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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