Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
