Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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