I am spending my child support on dildos
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm just crazy horny about you
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
this hospital has no fireball
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize