If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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