the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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