mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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