Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
