Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize