A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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