It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
